Change is Good

So, it's been just over four months since I've moved to Virginia Beach. Aside from the letdown that I still can't find work (damned job market), this is by far the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm sorry, but I really need to happy rant here. After all the shit I've been through the past few years, dare I say I'm slightly entitled to do so.

The weather is still fucking with me, here it is early April and it was almost 80 out the other day.THIS IS UNNATURAL TO ME. WE'RE NOT IN MAINE ANYMORE! Believe it or not, I miss snow. We got a slight dusting in February, like an eighth of an inch. Big whoop, lol.

On a more personal note, things have definitely been on the upswing. Even all my people in Maine who had their fears and reservations about me leaving state admit their preconceived notions were wrong. Yes, I met Chip through Facebook. And I made damn sure to really get to know him (as well as the distance would allow) before I came here. After all I went through in the "before time", I knew what red flags to look for this time, and they were not there. And they still aren't. Given his father's health, it would have been unfair for me to ask him to relocate. So I left, and am glad I did. Though I miss my friends and family like you wouldn't believe.

We're trying to plan a road trip/possible move to Maine. It's a matter of money at this point, and time. I want "my people" to meet Chip, and he them. I want them to know who pulled me out from the abyss and "brought me back to life". Sounds like a melodramatic analogy but it's true. I have never been so ALIVE before. I've never had anyone (in terms of a partner) want to build me up, rather than tear me down until now. My exes always brow-beat me enough to keep me subservient and complacent, to keep me in a semi-fear state so I couldn't grow as a person and realize that behavior was wrong and thus leave. Chip is completely different. He encourages me to speak up and have an opinion. He wants me to express myself. He is well aware of my self-esteem issues and is helping me work through them, rather than using them against me. He is now teaching me martial arts as another step in this process, and he's right, training is helping. It's increasing not only my fitness level but also body awareness, making me see it for its potential rather than something to be despised. "I may not be a hottie, but I can put a hurtin' on ya!" should be my new mantra. I've been learning takedowns, a couple submissions, and some pain compliance maneuvers. Cool stuff and good self defense everyone (especially my fellow female folk) should know. Plus, it's a damn good workout.

I train with Chip and his nephew three days a week, and yesterday one of his nephew's friends joined in for his first "class". He did well, and I didn't feel like such a newbie having someone greener than I am in with us. Chip is looking to build his school back up (he had to put everything on hold when his dad fell ill), and I'm really excited for him. He's so in his element with martial arts, he especially loves teaching. (He's a 3rd degree black-belt, by the way.) I really hope this takes off. I want to see him succeed, especially in something he's so passionate about.

AND HE GETS THE "INTO THE WILD/CHRIS MCCANDLESS/OUTDOOR THING! Yay!! We've done some hiking/camping excursions together and are gonna get out there a lot more this summer. Oh, and neat-o McCandless side note: Chip is friends with Chris's sister, Carine. I finally got to meet her at a fundraiser a few weeks ago. What a remarkable lady, I am so honored to have met her!

I've been back to my art since the move, just need to find a scanner. It was a shame having to leave all my art supplies behind (no room in my pack), but for Christmas, Chip's sister gave me a couple sketchbooks and some watercolor pencils to get me started. She and the rest of his family are amazing, you could not ask for better people. The fact that they opened their home to me sight unseen is a true testament to their kindness.

I remember my first night here, tired from the sleepless 26 hour Greyhound ride from Maine, a bit shy meeting Chip for the first time in person (we were on the phone CONSTANTLY for about 6 weeks prior to the move), even more shy meeting his folks, then his sister Lori comes over with his nephew. Lori takes me aside in the other room, holds my gaze, and asks "So you came here all the way from Maine to be with my brother?" "Yes," I answer nervously. She hugs me and exclaims "Finally! A sister I can LIKE!" Wow, that was a shock but nonetheless put me at ease.

This whole relationship has been a trip, not what I'm used to at all. And that's not a bad thing in any sense. I will fight to my death for Chip's well-being, I love this man more than anything. And I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that he wants me to grow as a person and overcome my self-esteem issues. "I want you to be comfortable in your own skin", he always says. "There is nothing wrong with you. You have nothing to be ashamed about." I'm finally starting to believe it. I guess all the haters back home were wrong about me after all. I AM a good person, I AM deserving of love and respect. I had to travel quite a ways to get it, but I'm not letting it go for anything.

The Wisdom of Thoreau

"If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy...that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated."--Thoreau

Too often are we so wrapped up in making a living that we forget to simply LIVE. We are so concerened with the demands of others that we put our own most basic needs to the back burner. The simplest pleasures of nature (from a walk in the woods to a simple canoe trip) are too often overloooked from over-modernization.